Chenraa Collage

“Chenraa Collage” (The Torn Collage)

On Saturday 29^th January and Sunday 30^th January 2011

Direction: Amitava Baksy

Playwright: Paromita Das

Venue: "KH Kala Soudha (KHKS)" Ramanjaneya Temple Compound,

Date/Time: Saturday 29^th January 3:30 PM and 7:00 PM

Sunday 30^th January 3:30 PM

Chenraa collage is set in the regular Indian proscenium style …. A reflection of our very own lives in the 3^rd millennium.

An engrossing tale of love, hate, joy, fun, friendship, uncertainty and anxiety…… A complete spectrum in entertainment.

This is an advanced information and please mark your calendar early to reserve your time now…..

Actual ticket selling and promotion will start from JANUARY in full swing.

Please send invitations ASAP to all your near and dear ones, so that they can reserve their time in advance to watch the play.

Thanks and regards

Amitava

PS: KHKS is a very new Auditorium, ideal for great theatre experience, comfortable individual seating, Air conditioned, Plenty of open space / Garden area around and adequate parking space/ Less than 6 km from MG road. We are also arranging a Bengali snacks corner…..]

"KH Kala Soudha" Ramanjaneya Temple Compound,

Hanumantha Nagar, Bangalore 560050

website: www.khkalasoudha.org

All for 'Dhan'

Finally the cat is out. Well, it's not that we never knew it. We knew it so well for ever but still we never accepted it in public. This is surely one of the heights of hypocrisy, not only in India but also in the Western countries. Indians should have been the last people to not accept this. After all we're among the first ones to appreciate it. Not only we appreciated it, but also considered it so divine that we put it up so nicely even in our temples. You take it out of the Classical Indian literature, mainly Sanskrit, and you one of the best 'alankars' or ornamentations off it. It's one of the best assets or 'dhan' that any man can think of. No doubt in a recent Hindi movie a character referred it to as 'dhan'!!

Enough of suspense. Let' come to the point. This is what came in Times of India last week:

It may appear vulgar, but a new survey has revealed that a man looks at a woman’s assets in his first glance, rather than her face.

In the survey, half of the male respondents confessed that they look at a woman’s assets even before they look at her face. And, four in 10 men have admitted they look at women’s assets at least 10 times a day.
Men from Newcastle are the most likely to sneak a peek at a girl’s cleavage before looking them in the eye, the poll of 1,000 adults has revealed.
What’s more interesting is that the survey has found that many women have even admitted to checking out other girls’ assets up to seven times a day, the Daily Express newspaper reported. Nine in 10 women look at their rivals’ assets, with almost half admitting to having “breast envy” towards friends or work colleagues, the survey has found.
More than half of British women are also unhappy with their breasts with 63% wanting bigger breasts, while almost half of men think their partner’s assets are beautiful and wouldn’t want them to change them in any way, according to the survey for cosmetic surgery firm ‘Transform’. PTI

IIT F5

You all would accept that one of the most important things to make our country a superpower of the future is to make our children literate, aware and enlightened. Not all children are lucky enough to go to schools and read books and open up their minds. Today's children are the power of future. Let's all participate in enkindling the spark in today's children and sow the seeds of tomorrow's power.

The IIT alumni associations have joined hands with Hippocampus to raise some funds for their endeavour in inspiring the disadvantaged children of India to read books. For this purpose they have organized a musical show by the 11th Hour Band on 30th January, 2010 at the Taj Residency, 7pm onwards. All the proceeds from this show would go towards aiding Hippocampus.

Passes for this event can be purchased at this link. Please come forward and participate in making our country a nation with all enlightened children.

Please pass this on to all your friends and colleagues.

Mother of all Plagiarization

People who have seen 3 Idiots and have seen the name of Chetan Bhagat and his '5 Point Someone' at the very end among the names of the spot boys and the hair dresser and many other people involved with the film would very well understand that it's no doubt the mother of all plagiarization. The producers of the movie have claimed it's barely related to 5 points someone. It's true that there are lots of new things in the movie but anyone, who even barely remembers the book (not because the book is bad but because he/she might have read it long time back), can also tell you that the most of the story line, turn of events (stealing the question paper, suicide attempt of one of the trio, the suicide of the son of the principal and the very fact that the principal always believed that his son dies in accident and many more), and characterizations (the principal, the over serious south Indian student) follow the book hubahu. Still not putting Chetan's name as the writer of the story is really disgusting. Just imagine, Chetan is the highest selling English writer in India. Still Bollywood dares to not give him his due credit. What would be the fate of the much lesser known writers? More disgusting is Amir Khan's comment: "I think he is trying to get publicity to sell more copies of ‘Five Point Someone’. In fact, I told Vinod that he should take him to court as he is maligning both Vinod and Raju" - he may not know that 5 Point Someone has already sold more copies than any other English novel written by an Indians till date. The book was already a best seller for long time even before the movie came into being.

I wish Chetan goes to court. What Taiwan does in the areas of semiconductors Bollywood does the same in the filed of art and culture!! It's high time that some big shot in Bollywood is ripped in public!!

A lesser known tale of the better known slumdogs

This Sunday, 8th March, my friend Pankaj called me up in the afternoon and asked if I'd like to accompany him for  a special screening of a film written by his childhood friend. Well, that was really very unusual, first of all, to have a friend who writes for movies and that also a movie for which there would be a special screening. I didn't have much to do interesting for that evening other than watching the Filmfare Awards in TV. Seeing a movie by the friend of my friend sounded really interesting. I picked Pankaj up from his home and proceeded towards Ravindra Kalakshetra (in Bangalore). On the way Pankaj mentioned about his friend Vishal Vijay Kumar, who had the penchant for writing since his college days. Finally he landed up in Bombay with the hope to make it big in the 'Zara Hatke Zara Bachke' city. His story is a typical one for anyone aspiring of making it big in Bollywood. Almost everyone starting from Lata Mangeshkar to Imran Hashmi has some story of struggle. Several popular stories make round in various magazines. But then listening from someone who has heard the stories of struggle from the horse's mouth is little different. Thanks to the recent movie "Luck By Chance", many insider information about movie making is known to us. Vishal's experience is also similar - starting from producers asking in a very blatant and gross way to write stories 'inspired' by any particular DVD or adding a scene where the heroine's skirt 'should'  fly off in a Merilyn Monro style out of the blue and then suddenly a song should start in the background expressing the mental condition of the hero after seeing the unseen!! Perhaps these were not anything new. Neither was new Vishal's patience and perseverance to wait till he got the right opportunity to write a story from his heart. But when I finally saw the movie "Thanks Maa", written by him, I was really taken aback. It might be easy to say ideological things, but then in reality achieving what your heart says is something else. Vishal had finally written really something from his heart - something that would touch many other hearts.

The director of the movie had come to Bangalore for a special screening of the movie at Ravindra Kalakshetra and that's where Pankaj was requested by his friend Vishal to attend the screening.

After reaching Ravindra Kalakshetra we found that some function was going on in the auditorium. Everything was happening in Kannada and the people outside also didn't know what exactly was happening inside. Someone told that it was the birthday celebration of some hero, even though we couldn't figure out which hero it could be. Pankaj called Irfan, the director of the movie. Irfan asked us to come to the green room. That's when we learnt what the event was all about. It was the 74th birth anniversary of writer and journalist P Lankesh and the occassion to give out the Lankesh Film Award by his daughter and popular Kannada film director Kavita Lankesh. Irfan Kamal, the director of the movie "Thanks Maa", has been selected as the best debutant film director for 2008. The jury of the award had seen the movie in the Indian Film Festival at Goa last year. Irfan Kamal was here to receive the award and screen the movie for the select audience. Knowing all these created a sort of interest in the movie. After the award ceremony we watched the movie.

The movie "Thanks Maa" (see a trailer here) is about kids in slums of Bombay. After the recent hoopla about "Slumdog Millionaire" the story of Bombay slum is again in the spot light. So I didn't expect anything special or unique in the approach or treatment of a topic that has been dealt too much in movies and media. But I was there for a surprising shock. The movie indeed revolves around five kids from a typical Bombay slum - Soda, Cutting, Sursuri, Dhed-Shaana and the hero called Municipality Ghatkopar. But the essence of the film is not just the slum life. It's a poignant tale of an orphan kid who comes across an abandoned new born baby and goes out of the way to unite the baby with his mother. The orphan kid is called Municipality Ghatkopar because he was found abandoned in a Municipality hospital in Ghatkopar. He was raised in the slums of Bombay, just like any other slum kid. But there is a difference between him and the others. He always has an yearning to meet with his mother, whom he never saw in his life. This yearning is so deep that he keeps on going to the hospital where a security had found him abandoned some ten years back. For all these ten years he kept his hope of uniting with his mother alive. Nothing in his life is the pain of not knowing his own mother. That's why when he discovers the new born being abandoned by a lady he makes it a mission of his life to unite the baby with his mother. Nothing is more important to him at that point of time. 

The rest of the story is about how he finally reaches the mother of the baby. But the biggest shock was waiting for him when he found the mother after so much pain. 

In course of his search for the mother, helped by four other kids, Municipality Ghatkopar experiences a lifeful of experiences. But never for a moment does any of the kids show any sign of depression or frustration. Their lives seem to be so normal amidst all the extreme happenings which can shake even a most unperturbed adult. It's the maturity, that the few immatures exhibit through out the movie, that stands high. The universal feeling of motherhood, that very sadly never arises among those mothers who dump their new born babies in hospitals, arises in a slum kid, who himself has been dumped by his own mother. The care that he takes for the baby, the ingenious ways that he invents along with the other kids to feed the baby and keep him alive is just incredible. It's really heartening to see such an unusual story of a kid. The critics of "Slumdog Millionaire" would surely come up with arms to criticize such a good piece of art on the ground that it shows the brutality and the ruthlessness of a dark side of humanity that's better hidden for ever. But they will surely miss the main thing of the movie - that has nothing to do with the slum or the poverty or the brutality - it's about the need of a mother in your life, a need that only an orphan can feel, a need that's the fortunate kids with parents might never understand as a need at all, a need that turns a ten year old kid into a man!!

Another striking thing about the movie is its sense of humor. Kudos to Vishal, the writer of the movie, for inter spacing the harshness of realities with fun and frolic and humor. The kids never express their helplessness. They are just enjoying their lives to the fullest with all their zeal and vitality. They crack jokes, fight with each other, make fun of each other the same way the rich kids of some international school would do,.... perhaps. That's a very beautiful thing that Vishal and Irfan, the director of he movie, have brought out. It's the story of life, it's the story of hope, it's the story of love.... that has nothing to do with the slums or the brutalities. It's a universal theme presented in the backdrop of a harsh reality.

Now coming to the technical aspects of the movie - for a debutant director it's really a well made movie with barely any trace of amateurish handling of anything. At some places the things become a bit gross, might be for an Indian audience, but overall it's well made. Special care has been taken for minute details to make everything look very real and authentic. Pankaj told me that not a single set was used for the movie. All the scenes were shot at real locations. The editing, music, background scores all were good. There was a feeling of a thriller throughout the movie. The climax scene, where Municipality finally unites with his mother (did he finally untie or that was just a wild thought of the expecting audience??) is well thought of and superbly presented. The movie leaves the audience in lot of thoughts. That's the right way to end a good story - to allow the reader or the audience to think loud and come to his own conclusion.

I really hope that the movie gets released finally. It somehow reminds me of "Chandni Bar", another well thought of  and well made movie.

Conversations with Garry Schyman, the composer of "Praan" - Stream of Life

In continuation of my previous blog on the popular video "Where the hell is Matt" and the background song "Praan" (adapted from the poem "Stream of Life" from Tagore's Gitanjali) used in it, I'd like to share my conversations with the composer of the song Garry Schyman.

Indeed Garry and Matt's effort is highly commendable. In this world of division and intolerance the very essence of capturing (in video and music) the "stream of life" that dances in the universe is of very high relevance. I'm not sure how much critical acclaim the scholars might put to this effort, but from a humanitarian point of view, such an effort is incredible and Garry, the composer of the song, and Matt, the creator of the video with people of 42 countries dancing with the music of "Praan" need all accolades for taking this up.

Helping the west to reinvent Tagore is an added impact that they have achieved. For this I and any Bengali who loves Tagore would always thank them.

If ever again in future Garry is interested to set to tune any otherTagore's poem, he may be interested to listen to Tagore's compositions and adapt that in his tunes. In fact each of the poems in Gitanjali is a song set to tune by Tagore himself in traditional, classical, folk Indian and even, in some cases, Western styles.
_____________________________________________________
Garry's mail to me: 30th Jan, 2009
Hello Sudipto,

Thank you for your kind words about my song Praan! Also thank you for all of the fantastic information you sent me about Tagore's work related to the lyrics I used.

I have come to realize that his work is very rich and complex and that the Bengali lyrics we used may not in fact be the precise source of his English poem "Stream of Life" which attracted Matt and I to use that poem. We did in fact rely on Palbasah Saddique and her brother to help us with that and neither claim to be Tagore Scholars. What we did learn is that Tagore freely adapted his poetry for Gitanjali (the English version) and that his English set of poetry of that name is not necessarily directly related to his original Bengali version.

A number of Bengal speakers have since pointed this out to me. That said I believe that many people (particularly in the West) have been reintroduced to Mr. Tagore's brilliant work and life and I am proud that I have, perhaps, played a small part in that. Though, as I have said, this was not my mission.

It is not practical to rerecord the vocal for the song. That would be quite expensive and I don't think many people would be all that interested in it. The lyrics we did use are from Tagore (that much I know) and work and sound marvelously with the music I composed. I have learned to accept serendipity as an important part of my music and trust that I am often led places by chance for some unknowable reason.

As it is, aware of the imperfect scholarship involved in finding the Bengali lyrics, my credit for Tagore reads "Adapted from" so that to be clear that a certain artistic license was used in the lyrics. Perhaps I should have said "inspired by", though that would imply that Tagore was not the actual author of the words.

You might be interested in listening to an interview I did with Minnesota public radio about how all of this came together. It all happened very quickly and almost magically.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfGk6S8-n9E

Very best,
Garry Schyman
__________________________________________________________
My mail to Garry: 29th Jan, 2009
Hi Garry,

First of all congratulations for all the awards for the music of Praan. It's really a fresh piece of music that has enthralled millions of people round the world. You've rightfully proved that music doesn't require any language or genre.

I'd like to make a clarification with regards to the lyrics.

Actually the Bengali lyrics that you've used is not the original song from which the English "Stream of Life" was derived by Rabindranath Tagore. Though both the English "Stream of Life" the Bengali "Praan" have the same essence - that's eternal stream of life, the original Bengali poem for "Stream of Life" is as follows:

E aamaar sharirer shiraay shiraay
Je Praan-tarangamaalaa raatridin dhaay
Sei Praan chhutiyaachhe bishwadigbijaye,
Sei Praan aparoop chhande taale laye
Nachichhe bhubane; sei Praan chupe chupe
Basudhaar mrittikaar prati romkoope
Lokkho lokkho trine trine sanchaare harashe,
Bikaashe pallabe pushpe - barashe barashe
Bishwabyaapi janmamrityusamudradolaay
Dulitechhe antahiin joyaar bhaataay.
Karitechhi anubhab, se ananta Praan
Ange ange aamaare karechhe mahiyaan.
Sei jugjugaanter biraat spandan
Aamaar nariite aaji karichhe nartan.

The lyrics of your "Praan" features in the original Bengali Gitanjali, but not in the English version. Actually the English version is created out of a selection of 103 poems from the Bengali Gitanjali and three other booklets of poems by Tagore.

Seeing the success of your "Praan" why don't you come up with another version of Praan with the original lyrics for "Stream of Life"? Also, would you mind to clarify this piece of information to your listeners? I've seen many comments made by Bengali speaking people about the confusion arising from little dissimilarities between the words of "Stream of Life" and "Praan".

Thanks & Regards,
Sudipto Das

Stream of Life

Music critique Jim Walsh wrote this in June 2008 about a very unusual song in Amazon and youtube

"The video was downloaded to the web on Saturday, June 20, 2008. By Sunday, it had 1 million hits. By Thursday, it was everywhere — embedded on Facebook and MySpace pages and flooding email inboxes and translating into millions of viewers, thousands of comments, and official "gone viral" status."

You would have heard this song or listened to the video "Where the hell is Matt" in youtube. Undoubtedly it's a remarkable video about the diversity of the world. It''s already one of the most popular videos in youtube. Matt, the creator of the video has travelled 42 countries and danced with the local people at the most exotic places round the world.

Apart from the unique concept of covering the diversities of the world the other striking thing about the video is the song used in the background. In the first hearing you might miss the lyrics of the song. It's actually in Bengali which goes like this:

Bhulbona ar shahajete,
Shei praane mon uthbe mete
Mrityu maajhe dhaakaa ache
Je antahiin praan |

Bojre tomaar baaje baashi,
She ki sahaj gaan |
Shei shurete jaagbo ami ......

Dao more shei gaan |

She jhor jeno shoi aanande
Chittobinar taare
Shapta sindhu dash diganta
Nachao je jhonkaare!

Bojre tomaar baaje baashi,
She ki sahaj gaan |
Shei shurete jaagbo ami ......

Dao more shei gaan |

The lyrics sounded very familiar to me. Upon searching the web I learnt that this is actually adapted from a Bengali song written by Tagore for the Bengali version of Gitanjali. Looks like Matt was looking for a song for the background that would exactly convey the message of eternal life that he has captured in his video. After lots of search he was finally shown some poems of Tagore and he chose the "Stream of Life" from the English version of Gitanjali. He apporached the composer Garry Schyman to set to music the original Bengali poem. They discovered Palabasha Siddique, a seventeen year Bangladeshi female, and used her voice for the song. The compositon by Garry and the rendition by Palabasha is just awesome. It brings such a freshness in terms of both voice and melody. It's no wonder that this song, named "Praan" meaning life in Bengali, is one of the most listened songs in most of the music portals. Above all the song just gels so well with the essence of the video.

The poem "Stream of Life" goes like this:

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

Though the essence of both the Bengali and English lyrics is same - the eternal life, but still anyone who has read Tagore well can make out that the Bengali song doesn't exactly match with the English one.

I found out finally that the Bengali lyrics or Praan is indeed not the original song from which the English "Stream of Life" was derived by Rabindranath Tagore. The original Bengali poem for "Stream of Life" is as follows:

E aamaar sharirer shiraay shiraay

Je Praan-tarangamaalaa raatridin dhaay

Sei Praan chhutiyaachhe bishwadigbijaye,

Sei Praan aparoop chhande taale laye

Nachichhe bhubane; sei Praan chupe chupe

Basudhaar mrittikaar prati romkoope

Lokkho lokkho trine trine sanchaare harashe,

Bikaashe pallabe pushpe - barashe barashe

Bishwabyaapi janmamrityusamudradolaay

Dulitechhe antahiin joyaar bhaataay.

Karitechhi anubhab, se ananta Praan

Ange ange aamaare karechhe mahiyaan.

 

Sei jugjugaanter biraat spandan

Aamaar nariite aaji karichhe nartan.

The Bengali lyrics of "Praan" features in the original Bengali Gitanjali, but not in the English version. Actually the English version is created out of a selection of 103 poems from the Bengali Gitanjali and three other booklets of poems by Tagore.

Nevertheless, when the essence is same and the impact is so great it doesn't matter what the original song was.....

A good piece of art always inspires many other people. "Where the hell is Matt" and "Praan" has already inspired the students of IIT KGP to come up with this video about KGP.

Inter IIT Musical Evening: Moods and Melodies

The Bangalore Chapter of the IITB Alumni Association is organizing "Moods
and Melodies" Inter IIT Musical evening on 8th of november, 2008 as a fund
raiser event for "Village knowledge centers" initiative of IITB AA.

To register any IITian can send mail to saumil@sportzvillage.com.

VKC's inspiration was from former President APJ Kalam's vision of each
IITian adopting one Village Knowledge Center across India - and
revolutionizing the village through technology and knowledge.

The 1st VKC has been operational in Ittamadu (a few kms from Eagleton)
over the last few years - and this fund-raising is to open more VKCs. The
Panchayat and villagers have been very enthusiastic and other villages are
asking for VKCs.

http://www.iitbombay.org/VKC/index.html has the details of the VKC
initiative.

IITB AA plans to set up and run Village Knowledge Centres in and around
Bangalore Rural. These VKCs would act as a nodal centre for knowledge
connectivity of villages. Pilot VKC has already been launched and fully
functional over past few years at Ittamadu.

"Moods and Melodies" evening will see bands from across the IITs playing
the choicest numbers. With an expected turnout of over 300 alumni and
family members, evening will be lively with the presence of many
distinguished alumni.

All proceeds from the event will be used for setting up VKCs.

As you can imagine, we are seeking sponsorship for the event - and
advertising in the souvenir (ranging from 10k to 1L) - in addition to
pledges. You can also adopt a VKC as an individual.

If any of you can assist on the sponsorship/fundraising front, please
write to us.

Details of the event are as follows:

Date: 8th November, Saturday

Time: 7:00 Pm - 10:00 pm including dinner

Venue: Royal Orchid, next to KGA.

Entry fee: INR 300/person. 150/- for kids below 12.

Chief Guest: Prof. D B Phatak (Computer Science, IIT Bombay)

To Register: Email Rahul [rahulchaubey@gmail.com] or Saumil
[saumil@sportzvillage.com]

Please block your calendars and inform other Bangalore-based IIT alumni.

We welcome you to have a great evening with your friends and cherish the
memories of hostel days.

More about VKC:

Website: http://www.iitbombay.org/VKC/index.html

For Donations/Volunteers please contact: Srikant Rao [srikant.rao@abs.in ]

Address: 565 E, 7th Main, 5th Cross, H.A.L. II Stage, Indiranagar,
Bangalore -38. Cell. 98450 29010

Thanks & Regards,
Sudipto

+91-9886067137,
http://www.mirafra.com

Durga Puja at Koramangala, Bangalore

Please find the highlights of the Durga Puja at Koramangala (5-8th Oct) at Mangala Kalyan Mantapa (besides Angan Restaurant, near Raheja Arcade and Monday to Sunday)
This is by far the most youthful and exuberent Durga Puja in Bangalore.

Inauguration on 5th Oct at 7:30pm, by Mr. Shankar Bidari, Commissioner of Police, Bangalore

Morning Sessions are for Kids' events (11am onwards)

(http://www.sarathionline.com/kidsevents2008)

• Boogie Boogie & Fashion Show - 7th Oct
• Drawing Competition - 6th Oct

Afternoon sessions are for Youth Events with attractive prizes (2pm onwards)

(http://www.sarathionline.com/youthevents2008)

• Antakshari & Band Competition - 8th Oct
  • Entrees for Antakshari are open

The evnings for professional events (7pm onwards)

(http://www.sarathionline.com/professionalevents2008)

• Krosswindz: Prolific Rock - 5th Oct
• Kingfisher Nites: Popular Band MO2 (6th) and Salsa by Vijay Lourd (7th Oct)
• Gunjan: Bollywood Masti - 8th Oct
• Dance Dhamakha: Jhankar Beats (7th Oct)
• Contemporary & Evergreen Music: Om (6th) & Kohal (8th)

Community Bhog in the afternoon everday between 6-8th Oct

Please check our site: http://sarathionline.com for venue, latest updates and Puja schedules and details of the itinerary for all events.

Please pass on this information to everyone in Bangalore who would be interested!! Concerned people please take the responsibility to take a print out of this message and post it in the notice boards of Infosys, CTS, Oracle, Honeywell, Novell, Synopsys, Nokia, Cisco, Broadcom, Magma, Intel, Microsoft, TI, CITI, HSBC, Target, AOL, Aviva and other companies and schools/colleges, whatever or whereever applicable.

See you all sometime between 5-8th October!!

Thanks & Regards,
Sudipto Das

+91-9886067137

Assorted ‘Forward’s

THE A TO Z OF BEING A BONG

A is for Apish (Office). This is where the average Kolkatan goes and spends a day hard(ly) at work. If he is in the Government he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 5. It's a hard life!
B is for Bhijon. (As in teli-bhijon) For some reason most of the Bengalis don't have good bhijon. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time. The effects of this show in the city.
C is for Chappell. This is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying 'go to bed, or Chappell will come and take you away.'
D is for Debashish. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debnath and Deboprotim thrown in.
E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali uses eeesh 10,089 times every year. (That's counting eeesh and other eeesh-ish words).
F is for Feesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh, what feeesh is theeesh!'
G is for Good name. Every Bengali Boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Shontuda, Chonti, and Dinku. While every Bengali Girl will be Paromita or Protima as well as Shampa, Champa and Buri. Basically your nickname is there to kill your good name.
H is for Harmonium. The Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!
I is for Ileesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!
J is for Jhola. No self respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are 2 million jholas bobbling around Kolkata- and they all look exactly the same!
K is for Kee Kando. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).
L is for Lungi. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cicket wearing it. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt. Everest.
M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of Formula 1 race drivers.
N is for Nangtoe. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!
O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!)
P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.
Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.
R is for Robi Thakur. Many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This allows everyone in Kolkata to frame their acceptance speeches and walk with their head held high and look down at Delhi and Mumbai!
S is for Sardarjee whom Bengalis are very envious of because he is born with a semi-monkey cap on.
T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.
U is for Ambrela. When a Bengali baby is born they are handed one.
V is for Violence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will shout and scream and curse and abuse, but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.
W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is under water and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!
X is for X mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up.
Y is for Yastarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali.
Z is for Jeebra, Joo, Jip and Jylophone.

~*~

A Bong Poem
Through the jongole I am went

On shooting Tiger I am bent

Bustaard Tiger has eaten wife

No doubt I will avenge poor darling's life.
Too much quiet, snakes and leeches

But I not fear these sons of beeches

Hearing loud noise I am jumping with start

But noise is coming from damn fool's heart

Taking care not to be fright

I am clutching rifle tight with eye to sight

Should Tiger come I will shoot and fall him down

Then like hero return to native town

Then through trees I am espying one cave

I am telling self - "Bholanath be brave"

I am now proceeding with too much care

From far I smell this Tiger's lair

My leg shaking, sweat coming, I start to pray

I think I will shoot Tiger some other day

Turning round I am going to flee

But Tiger giving bloody roar spotting this Bengalee

He bounding from cave like football player Pele

I run shouting "Kali Ma tumi kothay gele"
Through the jongole I am running

With Tiger on my tail closer looming

I am a telling that never in life

I will risk again for my damn fool wife

~*~

Husband’s Disease

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers,

“Yes?”

“Mrs. Ward, please”

"Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks. "Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.
"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

~*~

Problem of a Psychologist

A shy but handsome fellow was at a club and sees a beautiful woman seated alone at the bar. After an hour of screwing up his courage he heads over to her and asks tentatively, "Uh, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he meanders back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200 an hour!"

~*~

Improving English

A Commission has just announced that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

~*~

Interview

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Vella Reddy, an Indian (Hyderabadi ) guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, Reddy turns to the other candidate and says 'ellaa vunnavu babu' ( How are you sir in Telugu ). The other candidate answers 'baguunanu babu ' ( I am fine Sir, in Telugu )

~*~

Wife behind the Wheel

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75mph. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 80. "I want the car, too," he continues. 85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!" The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says. "Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

~*~

Origin of Reservation

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers
be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MP's stage a walkout.Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational Institutions & in Govt Services.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden' Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar company in silicon valley.100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation.Somewhere in India ...

Vacation

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time,
came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'